Mending
by CalyRose
Summary: Hawke mourns the loss of her mother. Anders is there to comfort her and mend her heart even though one day he will break it.


Disclaimer: I own nothing except this story and Kira Hawke. All else belongs to Bioware

* * *

Hawke stared into the flames of the fireplace in the mansion's library her mind blank with grief. She closed her eyes as she heard footsteps behind her. It was her uncle, Gamlen, coming down from the upper landing of the library. His next words confirmed her suspicion that no one in the house had told him what had happened to Leandra, his sister and her mother.

"Well?" he demanded of his niece, "Did you find her?"

"I'm sorry, Uncle. She's gone." Kira's voice broke slightly on the word gone. Tears threatened to fall from her crystal blue eyes.

"Gone? How...how is that possible?" Came the stunned voice of her mother's brother.

"I'm sorry. I was too late." the dark haired young woman said softly. She knew her mother wouldn't want her to blame herself but truth of the matter was that she did. If Kira had only managed to be faster in figuring out who the killer was maybe her mother would still be alive.

"So this is your fault!" Gamlen snapped, unknowingly echoing his niece's thoughts. "If you'd been faster or stronger this never would have happened!' His voice trailed off and he sobbed softly. "Why her? Why Leandra?"

Kira stood and stared into the flames contemplating her next words. She knew she should tell him it doesn't matter but there was a part of her that wanted him to hurt as much she was. She didn't want to be the only one in the family to suffer with what she knew what she had seen.

"She looked like the killer's dead wife. He was piecing her together from parts of other women. Mother...mother had her face." The head of the Hawke family sounded so matter of fact when relaying these details to her mother's uncle that no one would have guessed that her heart was breaking in her chest.

Gamlen stared at his niece in horror. "Magic did this?! Maybe the templars are right and all mages should be locked up."

Kira spun to face her uncle "What about me uncle? Do you think I should be locked up too? It wasn't magic that did this to mother, it was a madman who could have just as easily done it with a blade!"

"He didn't though did he? He used magic." He turned away from her "It would have been better off if you had been born normal like Carver."

Kira winced briefly at that. She had never considered her magic to be a curse before; her father had always taught her that her magic was a Maker given gift. Before she could stop herself she bitterly remarked "I'm sure Carver would love to hear that."

Gamlen ignored her comment instead demanding, "Is he dead?" At Hawke's nod he scowled even more. "Good. I hope it hurt." He sighed his anger diminishing at the thought of his beloved sister being dead. "I'll try to contact the Grey Wardens. Carver should know." He turned to leave murmuring as he left the room, "Take care, my dear", apologizing for his words to her just moments ago without truly saying it.

Kira watched him leave feeling numb inside and at the same time wondering if his words about mages being locked up were true. Yes any madman could have done what that damned blood mage had but they wouldn't have been able to keep mother locked inside that horrible grotesque body.

Leaving the library she headed upstairs to her rooms. She paused outside Leandra's room placing her hand on the door. Hawke didn't know if she would ever be able to change anything about it, for now it would stay as is until she was ready. Her hand curled into a fist against the door and she pulled it away only to press it against her lips to stop the cries and sobs from breaking free. She didn't want to break down. Couldn't afford to, she was Hawke she wasn't allowed to break down, not when others depended on her.

With a last grief and pain filled look towards the door that would never open to reveal her mother again Kira moved on towards her own room. Knowing that sleep would be a long time coming and fearful of what her dreams would bring she just sat down on her bed staring into space, thoughts in turmoil. A part of her wondered if the templars were right, if Uncle Gamlen was right. Maybe she and other mages should be locked up. Her father had taught all his children that magic was not something to be feared but a gift to be cherished. Yet since coming to Kirkwall Carver had begun questioning that lesson before he had joined the Wardens.

"I'm sorry. I know this isn't much comfort right now but when the pain fades you will be grateful for the memories you have of her."

Kira looked up at the sound of Anders' voice and tears threatened to spill over onto her cheeks at the sight of her fellow apostate. "Anders..."

Her lover moved farther into the room and sat down on the bed beside her, "My words ring hollow right now don't they?" He asked gently. Hawke nodded silently and the healer sighed softly kissing her temple lightly.

Gathering her courage Kira voiced her thoughts out loud to perhaps the one person who would understand. "Maybe the templars are right and mages should be locked up." Kira stared down at her hands. "We are a danger to everyone around us."

Anders pulled back some so he could look down at the woman who had managed to capture his heart so thoroughly seeing the torment and confusion on her face and hearing the pain that laced her voice. "Love, magic isn't to blame for what happened to Leandra. He was insane."

"No magic didn't do this to her but it was his magic that kept her trapped in that damnable rotting body pieced together from other women." She clenched her hands together tightly thinking of what they had discovered in the maleficar's lair. Notes on preserving body parts, notes about various women and features that resembled his dead wife as well books on necromancy.

Anders looked at her his own heart breaking. He wished with all his being that he could have spared her the pain. He chose his next words carefully knowing that this experience could change for the worse and straight into Meredith and Cullen's open arms and through them the Circle or it could change her for the better and make her more determined to further their cause of freeing the mages. "Yes it was magic that did that to her but this mage is the exception to the rule. Think of Feynriel or the Starkhaven mages. You have come across both sides of the spectrum here in Kirkwall but think how different it would be if mages were free and not forced into the prison that is the circle."

The Spirit healer looked down at the woman who had stolen his heart, and who had been his partner in everything since the very beginning. He reached out and gently cupped her chin turning her to face him. "Right now you're looking for someone to be mad at, someone to take your anger out on. If it helps any you can take it out on me."

Kira's eyes well with tears and she moves into his arms her tears coming freely at last. Anders held her throughout the night letting her scream, rage, and cry out her grief and anger. It would never bring her mother back but perhaps it would help give her some semblance of peace. It was the least he could do for her. She gave so selflessly of herself, never stopping to care of herself unless someone made her. Even though someday he knew that he would break her heart he did all he could to mend the wounds left upon it by her mother and Bethany's death, Carver's joining of the Wardens and her own despair of losing her family. He would break her heart, but before that he would mend it.

* * *

A/N: So I wanted to expand on Hawke's loss of her mother and what Anders was thinking while he tried to comfort her. Not too sure I like how this turned out, or how it ended but I had to get it out. As always reviews are welcome!


End file.
